Ancestry.com update

My mom passed away at around 3am, and at that hour, what can I do?  Of course, ancestry.com needed to be updated with a date of death for her.  I’m so f*cking backwards and OCD, who else thinks of that?  

Thoughts on the eve of my mothers death Part I

I am on my way to my hometown to sit with my mother, as her death appears to be imminent. This event has been expected for several years. Mom has had multiple strokes, and I have watched her physical and mental condition drastically deteriorate, to the point where she is really not recognizable as the woman I called my mother. 

 The tale of her decline is tragic on a lot of levels, as it is also a partially self inflicted fate.  Mom’s journey to her deathbed was precipitated by alcoholism.  She was always a diehard drinker, but growing up, it was primarily just beer (from what I remember).  The garage  fridge was always fully stocked with cases of Miller Lite, the beer of choice for my parents for whatever reason.  They drank daily, but seemed to keep it together.  They didn’t lose jobs or the respect off the neighbors, and they always treated their kids with kindness.  

Their drinking escalated as we matured, and the need for a minimal level of sobriety in order to properly care for us was alleviated.  I blame this escalation for my descent into detachment.  When you get drunk a part of you is disengaged and a lesser portion of you is available to others.  In the absence of engaged parents, a vacuum was created in my life that was initially filled with nothing for a period of years.  My sister filled the vacuum with drugs and alcohol-I would do the same with the latter.  Imagine a 12 and a 14 year old fighting over a few beers that could be safely stolen out of a case without detection, then sharing a key that was used to puncture the can in order to shotgun it.

I escaped by reading, largely fantasy and sci-go.  Dungeons and Dragons, Tolkien, and Herbert were my favorites.  I rarely studied anything academic  and my grades reflected this.

But never mind me for the moment, let’s stick with the subject of this blog, mom.  Fast forward years later, the kids are adults, and a shaky alcohol-soaked marriage is reaching the end.  Mom moved out of the house and in with a group of younger coworkers that also partied, but much harder.  Mom, in her early 50s, discovered vodka.  She got more and more sloppy, culminating with a major spill in a complete stupor at a graduation party for me. I had moved out of state at this point and hadn’t seen her in awhile, and was dismayed to see her transition to booze and its effects on her. 

I visited less and less.  Each time I would come home, my mom would start drinking heavily in anticipation of my arrival, and would be destroyed by the time I arrived.  This got particularly embarrassing when I brought home a guests, so I rarely did.

 Then the worst thing possible happened, she retired, and with the loss of structure In her life, the downward spiral increased its velocity.  Now there was no reason to delay the party until after work, let the good times roll by making a nice stiff screwdriver along with that first cup of coffee  and the morning paper.

To be continued…